Where is everyone? Why is the whiteboard never erased? When did cleaning a whiteboard start feeling like a workout? How old am I? Have I aged while waiting? Seriously, where the hell is everyone? What is the point of calendar invites? What is the point of my life? How many pages of my book could I have read by now? Everyone’s here? Can we start? No? Who isn’t here yet? Can someone call them?

Okay everyone’s here? Wait, what fresh hell is this? When did the brief change? Does anyone have any alcohol? Or a joint? Does anyone have weed-infused alcohol? Is that a thing? Can that be the idea? Is anyone writing this down? Do you think the client will green light it? When did I start saying shit like “green light it”? Is the client cool? Are they socially savvy? Can they spell savvy? Can we do a video? What’s the budget?

Why don’t we shoot it ourselves? Sorry, I meant why don’t we shoot ourselves? Do we have enough ideas? We have nothing? Really? 

Is this what prisoners feel like? Is this what compels people to commit murder? Can I write a script from the perspective of a serial killer? Is that too dark? Is anyone else hungry? Just me? Why don’t we have snacks when we brainstorm? Doesn’t it help you think or some shit like that? Why don’t we brainstorm somewhere cool next time? Somewhere with food perhaps? Oh we have enough ideas? When did that happen? Okay cool, are we done?