My new job nerves really had me fooled by not showing up until they deemed the time right: the morning of my first day. At 9am. Enjoy the inner monologue of my descent into (or rather, permanent habitation within) meltdown central.
The First Entry (not a euphemism)
Wait…wasn’t the door alarmed? So how do I get in? Oh okay, I’ll just leech off this chick who’s going in now then. Oh shit, she just turned around to ask me who I am. Do I just say my name? Do they know who I am? Oh, there’s an entire Slack notification with my name. Fantastic. Exactly the kind of lowkey thing I was aiming for.
Whoah why are there so many people? Everything is black and yellow. This is a very literal manifestation of that Wiz Khalifa song. Holy crap I will never remember everyone’s names all at once. What do I do now? Everyone looks insanely busy. Am I even legit enough to be here though? How did they even ‘yes’ me? I have an entire table to myself? Why am I sitting next to these artsy people? What’s going on?
Eh. Wait a minute. What in fresh hell and heaven is an “introduction deck” supposed to be?
The First Lunch
Oh, it’s lunch? Time to socialise. Okay. I got this, I got this. I don’t got this. How do I try to convince them I’m not an awkward permutation of limbs and laughter?
The First Meeting
You guys seriously think I have the chops to be dropped right in the middle of an account– sure…do that, I guess.
Now, Shufei, your task for today: don’t fuck this up. Wow, that’s so much easier said than done.
Fuck. Even my drafts need drafts. Does this copy sound vaguely weird? The more I read it the stranger it becomes. That should really be the plot of Stranger Things. Not the point, okay, focus. Nope, that definitely sounds super off. Is this even grammatically right? What is English?
Should I…ask people if this is right? Everyone looks reaaaaally busy…
The First Submission
They definitely think it sounds off. Why did I send this shit off? How did I think this was a good idea for a copy? Or a job? Do I even know how to write though?
How am I here, for real? Everyone seems super legit. What am I doing? Will I even manage to cope? How am I going to do this? Am I actually even qualified? How did I manage this? What if they kick me out after the first week? What if they’re already so bored, they kick me out right now? What if– oh, my copy was approved.
Existential Breakdown End of Day
Okay, great. I’ve survived today so far, let’s see what I have lined up for the rest of this week…ah, inductions, inductions, and more inductions.
So…will I be useless until those happen? Scratch that, will I be useless even after that happens? How long until they realise I’m actually just generally useless? This cannot be a healthy way of processing my emotions. What else can I do while I’m here?
Oh, wait, it’s already 7? Thank fuck. Let’s go home. I’m tired of thinking. I can’t English for the rest of the day. Bye.
Addendum: I’m still here, still awkward, but a little bit less nervous. Little wins.
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Fuelled by a combination of hope, caffeine, self-deprecation and weird humour.